So um sorry about that houdini

12th July 2021

Dear extraordinary one,

The night of March 2nd, I laid awake in bed, ruminating on the coming week’s Life’s a Batch post. Should I write about the time a fat man who sat next to me in Dome and farted? I thought. Or 90s caps?

These things keep me up at night, you see.

Then the following day I had an epiphany.

I rolled out of bed and ambled to the kitchen. I prepared a big batch of coffee in a half slumber and leant against the kitchen bench, watching the steam billow.

I was about to nod off to sleep again. But my girlfriend Jay entered the room.

“Mor-r-r-n-n-n-i-n-g,” she said in a spirited tone, skipping around me. “That coffee smells incredible. Oh my goodness. What a beautiful day. Jayds, look how beautiful the day is!”

“Mmmm. Very beautiful.”

Unlike me, Jay radiates vivacity in the morning. She pretty much cartwheels out of bed and begins speaking in a cheerful yodel.

“Hey, I just had an idea," she yodeled. "How about you and I go for a w—”

“Not now, Jay!” I interrupted. “Let me have my coffee first.”

Then I went back to watching the steam billow, and that’s when I was struck a compulsion to stop writing on the blog.

It was as if someone flicked a Life’s a Batch switch.

The feeling had nothing to do with me not enjoying the practice or anything. I just knew at that moment—no sooner, no later—I needed to close that particular chapter. It felt similar to that scene in Forrest Gump where he runs for three years nonstop around the States and, halfway through the midwest with a trail of devotees behind, he stops.

Um yes, I’m comparing the feat of Life’s a Batch to Gump’s running nonstop for three years. So what?

So anyway, instead of writing the post, I put down my pen and went for a walk with Jay. It was very nice. But here’s the thing.

I houdinied and we (you and me) never got to say goodbye for the time being.

Trust me, I can feel your hurt and resentment from here. It’s pretty palpable.

“How could he leave me like that!” you were probably shouting into the night sky with a bottle of whiskey.

Well, now I’m saying sorry.

“Ha! Disappears for 4 months and thinks he can just say sorry,” you huff.

C’mon. Don’t be like that.


You probably don't care about this but since the epiphany I’ve had extra time to pursue other writing projects.

You see, when I first began writing to you here (over two years ago), I was a poor writer working at a cafe. Now I’m a full-time professional poor writer.

(Jokes, I do alright.)

So I’ve been putting more time into Brew Copy, my one-man copywriting studio for food and drink brands, which pays the bills.

For fun, I’m working more on fiction, too, writing short stories etc. But let me clarify.

I’m not saying this is the end of Life’s a Batch. No way. For the most part, I’m just ceasing my weekly stories here on the blog and the newsletter.

But I’m still posting the odd cartoon on my Instagram, maybe even the odd post here, and when I find the time I really want to create Life’s a Batch 2.0—a new version that is less about me and more about the community.

As one person, I only have so many cafe stories. But can you imagine the endless entertainment if you—and everyone else—could share your light-hearted anecdotes too?

It could be a cool community art project that results in a book or an exhibition or maybe just me crying in the corner of a dark room.

So stay with me through this hiatus, is what I’m saying. I’m truly hoping we can create some fun stuff together shortly.


Jayden O’Neil